Love yourself – Put FOCUS back on YOU

Your relationship with yourself defines your equation with other.

Love Yourself

Love Yourself

One of the most important relationships of all is the one you share with yourself.Unfortunately,most of us allow our perception of our own strengths and capabilities to be determined by those around us family,friends and colleagues.Their opinion is what we begin to believe as the truth despite the fact that we know exactly what heights we are capable of touching.And,as most of you in this kind of a situation will agree,it can often leave one with a sense of worthlessness as no matter what you do,you just never seem to meet anyone’s expectations.

Love yourself

Most people opine that if you love yourself,you are a vain person.This,however,is far from the truth.In reality,its more important for a person to love themselves,even before loving someone else.Its only when one is comfortable with themselves and who they are that you will be able to accept the other person for who they are and love them wholly,not because they conform to your needs or wants.

The importance of loving yourself is very significant because it helps one survive.When you love yourself,you take pride in yourself as an individual and attempt to do your best in your chosen field of endeavor.Positive self love can be highly motivating and encourage an individual to achieve what they believe they can/should.Self love also propagates love towards others because only when you are happy with yourself will you do things,not only for you but for others too.Loving others is but an extension of loving yourself.A mother who is not happy being a mother can never love her baby.Similarly,if you don’t love yourself and you don’t consider yourself worthy of love from others,you will be unable to spread your love to others.If we keep living by others opinions and expectations,we are doing great injustice to ourselves.Each human was designed to be an individual and though society tries its utmost to tame our impulses,our individuality shines in some way or the other.Hence,those who accept their individuality and uniqueness are on a path of happiness while those who suppress it remain unhappy and miserable because they don’t see a meaning to their lives.However,if loving oneself is carried to the extreme of narcissistic love,where it is only love yourself and give a damn about others,then the process of self harm starts.This leads to alienation and separation from others which leads to isolation and unhappiness.

Believe in yourself

Though everyone may have their own opinion,remember that you and only you are the true judge of your capabilities.Each of us know our s t re t ch i n g point and our breaking point,and most often its much more that others will tell you.So no matter what happens,and how many times you fail,its only your belief in yourself that will give you the strength to get up,move on and cross that finishing line.

Ones motivation to achieve big things come mainly from believing in yourself and in your capability to do so.Apart from that,you also need to believe in your talents,values and the purpose of your task.Sometimes,the things people say may cause you to doubt yourself.But instead of losing faith and getting disheartened,its better to look at the comments as constructive criticism.It is very important to nurture the ability to convert bad feedback into constructive criticism.At times,the quick pace at which your peers may achieve success can also be a de-motivator.However,it is important to remember that each person works at their own pace and that,just because you are slower,doesn’t mean what you’re doing is less good or less powerful that the other person.

Forgive yourself

To err is human,to forgive divine.Remember,this adage is as applicable to yourself as it is to the other people around you.Its very easy to chastise yourself for mistakes made but you are just as human and prone to mistakes are your friends and close ones.Hence,just like you’d forgive them for their mistakes,you need to forgive yourself too.More than anything else,it will give you that much needed kick-start.

Many people misconstrue that forgiveness would make one more callous and immoral.Quite the contrary! Guilt serves zilch and the more guilty one feels the more self-hating and that only wastes energy and does nothing to improve what needs to be improved.We are human,and hence,mistake making and fallible.So its only natural and human to err.The less forgiving you are of yourself the more you try and be superhuman a condition which is impossible and unfulfillable.Forgiving oneself doesn’t mean shedding off responsibility for your actions,it only means,giving yourself the right to be wrong,giving yourself the chance to be imperfect! When you forgive yourself,you give yourself a chance to correct,evolve and grow as a person.When you forgive others you do yourself a favor and are not enveloped by feelings of hatred and revenge.To err is human and not forgiving isn’t divine,it simply leaves you saner and more realistic!

Love Yourself

Love Yourself

How free you are?

Most of us would say that we do have free will. We can do anything we wish. If we want to wear a red shirt instead of a blue one, we can. If we want to eat a sandwich instead of a pizza, we can. If we want to take off from work and sit at home today, we can. If we want to marry the girl or boy we love, we can. If we have enough money, we can buy any house, car or gadget. Likewise, we can travel wherever we want to. Obviously, it looks as if free will exists.

All the choices that we make are from the act of exercising the will. How free is free will Whatever we call free will or choice is finally determined by a mix of two things, nature and nurture, or by our heritage and conditioning . We cant choose our parents, and hence we have no choice over the genetic material they gift to us. Also, from birth, we are exposed to conditioning and belief systems . These are required for survival.

In the process of growing up, we are conditioned and led to believe a great many things by family, friends and strangers, the media, commercials, books and what-have-you . As an adult, we are thus a mixture of our genetics and all these conditionings . This is our programming, our code. And all our decisions, our choices, our thoughts and acts, originate from this programmed mind. A part of this programming is done by nature and the environment does the rest of it.

Really, there is nothing sacred or pure about our decisions. Is this a good thing or a bad thing By itself, this is difficult to say. But at least we should realise that what we normally consider freedom or free will, is itself a slave of our programming . If you were to ask a vegetarian Why dont you like meat he would most often answer: Because it is bad to eat meat. And how have you come to this decision that eating meat is bad I have always been told that eating meat is bad and should be avoided. As one can see, the decision not to eat meat may seem an act of freedom or free will, but the conditionings of childhood are holding us in slavery, unknown to us.

If two like-minded friends were asked: What would you do if you were walking together, and saw one man killing another One of them might reply: I will immediately go to the victims rescue, even if it means risking danger to myself , while the other might say, I will run away, find the nearest telephone booth, and call the police, without identifying myself. The two friends are close; they often think alike but on this occasion they react differently. This could be because of their basic natures that have been shaped by their respective circumstances and upbringing. What each of them would do seems to be a free act, but is actually already pre-decided . Real freedom would be if the first fellow would run away or if the second fellow would wait and fight. But usually, our preprogrammed brain acts only in the way it is programmed to.

True freedom and free will come only if we are able to go beyond our programming. To override our basic genetic makeup is near impossible. But it is indeed possible to go beyond our conditionings, beliefs, indoctrinations and ideas. Once we can un-condition ourselves, we will be able to respond freely.