Take the best from each human being

IS there anyone in the world you like totally As in,approve everything about that person,all the time Even if you are wildly,obsessively in all consuming love Even if you have your rose-tinted glasses pushed right back up your nose Can you honestly say there is nothing at all about your loved one you would rather change

Surely not.It cannot be possible to like everything about even the one person you love most in the world be it a parent,a child,or the man or woman in your life! There will always be at least one trait you dislike,one negative you would rather wish away. And therein starts our quest to change those we love most.If only that teeny weeny thing about them could be changed a habit given up,a personality trait dropped or another acquired ! Parents go beyond the formative years of kids and waste precious time and energy trying to change their adult offspring! People even attempt to influence a change in traits of old parents! And yet one negative trait cannot possibly make you give up totally on a loved one.A recent article in Los Angeles Times talks critically of a therapist who advised a woman to totally sever all ties with her father since he was evil.When the author,a social psychologist Carol Tavris,asked the woman if she thought her father was 100 per cent bad,she replied,No,I think hes a normal guy who made some mistakes. For one negative,you cannot possibly give up an entire relationship.Couples spend entire lifetimes trying to change each other to tally with their idea of perfection.

How much better life would be if we just accepted each other as we are! And just learn to turn a blind eye to the little things we dont like,even as we make the most of the vast things we love about each other.

Why is it compulsory to like everything about a friend You can pick on what you like and focus on that,turning a blind eye to what you do not approve of.Must you go around trying to change the world You can value a friend for her loyalty and generosity and forgive her for her streak of cattiness.You can love the side of her that you cherish and simply accept,even ignore,the one you disapprove of.What a sense of peace that brings to a relationship!

Now,if nobody can be perfect,no one can be all bad either.Even in the worst of humans,we can find some goodness we can relate to and appreciate.How can anyone be all good or all bad How can you be all right or all wrong You wouldnt be human if you were! Gods and Goddesses too have their weak spots and moments.

In her latest book The Power,Rhonda Byrne urges,Notice the things you love in other people,and turn away from the things you dont so you dont give them any feeling. She goes on to say,If you cant love the good in someone or something simply turn away turn away by looking for the things you love in life!

Much like you would do at a buffet,take the best from each human being and from every relationship and enjoy it to the fullest.And just as you would walk past the dishes you dont care about,do not focus on what you dont like and so get hassled or make futile attempts to change it!

Love yourself – Put FOCUS back on YOU

Your relationship with yourself defines your equation with other.

Love Yourself

Love Yourself

One of the most important relationships of all is the one you share with yourself.Unfortunately,most of us allow our perception of our own strengths and capabilities to be determined by those around us family,friends and colleagues.Their opinion is what we begin to believe as the truth despite the fact that we know exactly what heights we are capable of touching.And,as most of you in this kind of a situation will agree,it can often leave one with a sense of worthlessness as no matter what you do,you just never seem to meet anyone’s expectations.

Love yourself

Most people opine that if you love yourself,you are a vain person.This,however,is far from the truth.In reality,its more important for a person to love themselves,even before loving someone else.Its only when one is comfortable with themselves and who they are that you will be able to accept the other person for who they are and love them wholly,not because they conform to your needs or wants.

The importance of loving yourself is very significant because it helps one survive.When you love yourself,you take pride in yourself as an individual and attempt to do your best in your chosen field of endeavor.Positive self love can be highly motivating and encourage an individual to achieve what they believe they can/should.Self love also propagates love towards others because only when you are happy with yourself will you do things,not only for you but for others too.Loving others is but an extension of loving yourself.A mother who is not happy being a mother can never love her baby.Similarly,if you don’t love yourself and you don’t consider yourself worthy of love from others,you will be unable to spread your love to others.If we keep living by others opinions and expectations,we are doing great injustice to ourselves.Each human was designed to be an individual and though society tries its utmost to tame our impulses,our individuality shines in some way or the other.Hence,those who accept their individuality and uniqueness are on a path of happiness while those who suppress it remain unhappy and miserable because they don’t see a meaning to their lives.However,if loving oneself is carried to the extreme of narcissistic love,where it is only love yourself and give a damn about others,then the process of self harm starts.This leads to alienation and separation from others which leads to isolation and unhappiness.

Believe in yourself

Though everyone may have their own opinion,remember that you and only you are the true judge of your capabilities.Each of us know our s t re t ch i n g point and our breaking point,and most often its much more that others will tell you.So no matter what happens,and how many times you fail,its only your belief in yourself that will give you the strength to get up,move on and cross that finishing line.

Ones motivation to achieve big things come mainly from believing in yourself and in your capability to do so.Apart from that,you also need to believe in your talents,values and the purpose of your task.Sometimes,the things people say may cause you to doubt yourself.But instead of losing faith and getting disheartened,its better to look at the comments as constructive criticism.It is very important to nurture the ability to convert bad feedback into constructive criticism.At times,the quick pace at which your peers may achieve success can also be a de-motivator.However,it is important to remember that each person works at their own pace and that,just because you are slower,doesn’t mean what you’re doing is less good or less powerful that the other person.

Forgive yourself

To err is human,to forgive divine.Remember,this adage is as applicable to yourself as it is to the other people around you.Its very easy to chastise yourself for mistakes made but you are just as human and prone to mistakes are your friends and close ones.Hence,just like you’d forgive them for their mistakes,you need to forgive yourself too.More than anything else,it will give you that much needed kick-start.

Many people misconstrue that forgiveness would make one more callous and immoral.Quite the contrary! Guilt serves zilch and the more guilty one feels the more self-hating and that only wastes energy and does nothing to improve what needs to be improved.We are human,and hence,mistake making and fallible.So its only natural and human to err.The less forgiving you are of yourself the more you try and be superhuman a condition which is impossible and unfulfillable.Forgiving oneself doesn’t mean shedding off responsibility for your actions,it only means,giving yourself the right to be wrong,giving yourself the chance to be imperfect! When you forgive yourself,you give yourself a chance to correct,evolve and grow as a person.When you forgive others you do yourself a favor and are not enveloped by feelings of hatred and revenge.To err is human and not forgiving isn’t divine,it simply leaves you saner and more realistic!

Love Yourself

Love Yourself