If ego can erode brotherly ties between the world’s richest siblings, ruin careers and relationships, wipe away fortunes and futures, it surely is a greater  force than most of us give it credit for!

Come to think of it, ego is one of the two deadliest traps you could fall into – at work, or even in your relationships. The second of course is emotion. The two forces within that could conspire to ruin you with very little help from external enemies. The enemies within.

Ego that blinds you to all else but a perceived slight. And emotion that blinds you to the outcome of your resultant outburst. Ego that makes an entire clan believe their honor has been hurt by a young couple’s romantic liaison. And emotion that makes them kill their own child and the lover.

From the Gita to Osho to Bhuddhist teachings to modern Western analysis of the constructed nature of self, all religions and philosophies have attempted to define ego. Yet, ego remains almost as abused a word as “sexy!” “He has a huge ego;” “Don’t let ego ruin your relationship;” “Ego comes in the way of success” are oft-heard phrases. And yet, how many understand what the word means?

Here are few definitions, Ego is “a pseudo reflection of the soul” (Lord Krishna in The Gita); “a false sense of the self,” (Master Sheng yen, one of the world’s most respected Bhuddhist masters); “an emotional charged image of self” (Otto Kernberg, pioneering psychologist); “A false centre. The reflection of what others think” (Osho).

So then should one rid oneself of all ego and emotion as religious texts prescribe? Well, so long as you wish to live in the world and not take off to the mountains in the loin skin carrying a kavandal, the better deal surely is to learn to handle ego and emotion rather than give them up!

You can either make ego and emotions your strength or your greatest weakness by allowing someone else to handle them to their advantage. If someone who knows you mildly can play you like a musical instruments, eliciting the emotions and responses they want from you, that is your biggest Achilles’ heel. If your enemy knows what most angers you and so makes you lose control, undoubtedly he will be tempted to use his power over you.

In our everyday lives, we are bound to be faced with situations that hurt our ego or incite emotions. A hurt ego almost always responds emotionally. The emotion amy be one of sadness, anger, revenge or aggression. Give in to it and you have walked into a trap; to walk away is to transcend on to tanother plane and feel thrilled with your will power and control over yourself.

People take a catlike delight in playing with those trapped by their emotions. As Deepak Chopra says, managing others begins with managing yourself first. “Business leaders who don’t know themselves too well and cannot get a grip on their emotions and ego, fail miserably.”

The top performing companies are usually those who CEO’s names you wouldn’t know. They have none of the ego and arrogance associated with a CEO. That’s because “these people were not into themselves; their goal was not adulation or power, but to create a great company.” Their companies would do well even after they leave. Which is more than can be said for Jack Welch, former CEO of General Electric. But can certainly be said for Infosys’ Narayanmurthy!

The aim should be to develop a high level of emotional intelligence, which enables you to think through your emotions intelligently. And to use your emotions to help you think more intelligently. It is important to stay in touch  with who you are as a human being, because that is who you will be in every sphere of life, be it work or relationship.

To that end, ego or an awareness of self is important. Who you think you are is an integral part of who you become.

One of the most important steps to achieving your goals in life is to develop a strong sense of self confidence. This does not however involve becoming loud or arrogant. On the contrary, people with genuine self confidence are usually calm and self assured and do not need to ‘big note’ themselves.

1. Visualise Yourself As The Person You Want To Be

Each morning spend a few minutes visualising yourself as the person you want to be. Think about the way you dress, the way you carry yourself and the way you interact with other people. Seeing yourself as the person you want to become is the first step towards building self confidence.

2. Self Confidence Statement

After visualising yourself as the person you want to be, read the following statement out loud:

“I know I have the ability to achieve my major goal in life. Therefore today,
I demand of myself persistent and continuous action towards achieving my goal”

Reading this statement out loud is a great way to start your day in a confident state of mind.

3. Dress Well

One of the most effective ways to instantly improve your level of self confidence is to dress well and to make the decision to always be well groomed. This does not mean you have to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe. Instead, just focus on gradually building up a small collection of good quality clothes. Also remember that simple accessories such as a tie clip or necklace can make a big difference to the way you look and feel.

4. Positive Posture

Another powerful way to build your sense of self confidence is to stand up straight and lose the slouch that many of us have acquired over the years. While you may be able to make a change to your posture by simply becoming aware of it, the best way to make a long lasting change to your posture is to practice yoga or pilates.

5. Move With Purpose

A simple but effective tip for increasing your levels of self confidence is to always move with a sense of purpose. In his book ‘The Magic of Thinking Big’, David Schwartz recommends walking 25% faster than normal. Having a spring in your step lets people know that you have important things to do and actually makes you feel more confident as you go about your daily business.

6. Become A Participant

Have you ever noticed that in most meetings or groups, people immediately head towards the back of the room so that they can remain as inconspicuous as possible? A great way to increase your visibility and sense of self confidence is to make the decision to always sit towards the front of the room and be a participant. When you have something to say – don’t be afraid to say it.

7. Connect With Confidence

Another way to quickly improve your self confidence is to practice making a strong first impression. When you meet someone face-to-face, look them directly in the eye, smile broadly, shake hands firmly and say, “Hi Jim, nice to meet you”.

Similarly, you can sound more confident on the phone by answering, “Good morning Carol Jones speaking” instead of simply saying “Hello”

8. Build Your Success File

Occasionally your self confidence will take a hit when something doesn’t work out the way you hoped. One of the best ways to repair your self confidence in this situation is to keep a folder outlining your past achievements and successes. You should also include any positive feedback that you’ve received from others.

As you review your success file and fill your mind with positive comments, your doubts and insecurities will quickly disappear and your self confidence will be restored.

9. Preparation

The BIG secret to being self confident that people rarely talk about is – preparation. The more you prepare and practice for an event, the more self confident you will become.

If you are worried about an upcoming event, use your apprehension as a stimulus to take action and practice, practice, practice. The simple but powerful truth is that self confidence grows through repetition and experience.