When something gets you down, do you wallow in the misery? Do you let yourself feel like crud? Or do you use it as an opportunity to look for the bright side of it and grow? Both are possible outcomes and both have a place. The important thing is to learn from the incident and move ahead.

When tragedy strikes I am not suggesting you ‘poo-poo’ it off. On the contrary, you should stay in the moment and grieve, feel your emotions, process your feelings. These are all necessary. But to stop there is a problem. Take some time to examine how you can learn from this and how you may prevent it from occurring in the future.

When you turn bad into good, you will feel awesome!

But the sad truth is that fury and intolerance bear away a man’s good reason. It is true that intolerance is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one. In fact, intolerance is the fret, fury and frenzy of the soul. Intolerance is hard to combat because it is willing to buy revenge with a whole life. But controlling the intolerance of one angry moment may mean avoiding a lifetime’s remorse. Shakespeare was entirely accurate when he wrote in Coriolanus; “Anger’s my meat; I sup upon myself!” To be angry is to take revenge upon ourselves for the faults of others.

Anger can surface without warning in the most loving and long-standing relationships. When a childhood friend suddenly flares up over something totally innocuous, it is better to ignore the angry present and focus instead on the harmonious past. Anger makes people insensible, be it a good friend or sibling.

Anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage. Anger is accompanied by physiological and biological changes. when we get angry, our heart rate goes up and the blood pressure rises, as do energy hormone levels, pumping adrenaline and noradrenaline into the system.

Is anger becoming a 21st century affliction? Some say these changing times make people workaholic and egoistic. Modern life may see many more expressions of anger than before, but could it be that we simply know about them now because the world’s information flow has multiplied to enormous levels? Or could there have been lots of unexpressed anger in earlier times?

Medically speaking, people who remain intolerant and angry most of the time are most susceptible to hypertension and related heart/brain diseases. Re-living unsuccessful or humiliating situations over and over can prove bad for one’s health. Simply remembering an incident that once made you angry can be stressful for the heart.

Often, terrible hurt owing to intolerance takes just minutes to inflict but forgiving the perpetrator requires time. Initially, we experience negative feelings such as anger, sadness and shame. then we try to make sense of what happened. Ultimately we learn to see the person who hurt us through new eyes.

So what is to be done to face angry people? the best way to feel better is the very opposite of revenge. It is saying the words, “I forgive you.” That could be the most powerful things we will ever do. Forgiving doesn’t mean giving in. It means letting go.

Once we forgive, we are no longer emotionally handcuffed to the person who hurt us. when we forgive, we reclaim our power to choose. One can express once’s anger, disappointment or intolerance with a trusted friend or counselor, giving us the strengthening experience of being heard. That is a way to let go of one’s feeling without the danger of saying or doing any thing we will later regret. It is equivalent of punching a pillow. Keeping a journal could help.

If at all you are feeling furious, you can try these things,

- Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won’t relax you.

- Picture your breath coming up from your gut. Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as “relax”, “take it easy”. Repeat while breathing deeply.

- Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from memory or imagination.

- Gentle and slow exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.

- You could also try the stress buster machines at your nearest gym or spa.

Can you be kind all day long today regardless of what happens to you? Try to see how long this can last. At the end of the day, review the act which you could no longer feel kindness. How do you feel about it in the evening?

Be free to share it with everyone, drop a comment on how you felt

It is important to understand what is happening on a physiological level when you are feeling stressed.When you are feeling stressed your brain perceives a threat and the fight or flight response is triggered. In a potentially threatening situation this response is invaluable and may save your life or the life of another. However, living in this state of heightened arousal (which short or long-term stressful events can generate) is not good for you and your body may begin to signal this to you in a variety of ways.

Physical

Physical symptoms experienced include:
✦ a pounding heart
✦ elevated blood pressure
✦ sweaty palms
✦ tightness of chest
✦ aching neck, jaw and back muscles
✦ headache
✦ chest pains
✦ abdominal cramps
✦ nausea
✦ trembling
✦ sleep disturbance
✦ tiredness
✦ susceptibility to minor illness
✦ itching
✦ easily startled
✦ forgetfulness.

Thoughts

You may experience:
✦ your mind racing or going blank
✦ not being able to ‘switch off ’
✦ a lack of attention to detail
✦ your self esteem and confidence plummeting
✦ disorganised thoughts
✦ a diminished sense of meaning in life
✦ a lack of control or the need for too much control
✦ negative self statements and negative evaluation
✦ difficulty in making decisions
✦ a loss of perspective.
You may be:
✦ making ‘mountains out of molehills’
✦ driving yourself too hard with ‘I must do this, ought to do that, should do the other’ or demanding too much of others as well as yourself.

Behaviors

You may:
✦ become withdrawn and not want to socialise
✦ increase your alcohol, nicotine or drugs intake
✦ under eat or over eat
✦ become accident prone and careless
✦ become impatient, aggressive or compulsive – pacing, fidgeting, swearing, blaming, throwing and hitting!
✦ work longer hours – not take breaks, take work home, procrastinate with important projects, take the ‘headless chicken’ approach when under pressure, and manage time poorly
✦ no longer have time for leisure activities.

Feelings

You may feel:
✦ irritable
✦ angry
✦ depressed
✦ jealous
✦ restless
✦ anxious
✦ unreal or hyper alert
✦ unnecessarily guilty.
You may experience:
✦ panic
✦ mood swings, crying easily.

Thank goodness you won’t experience all of these symptoms all of the time! Individual responses to stress vary, so you may experience some of these some of the time.This will be your body’s way of saying that you are overdoing things and it is time to reflect and take action in order to reduce and manage the stress response.

To illustration this point, let’s say a mother is focusing on cooking dinner and she’s feeling relaxed and at peace. However, her son, who is helping her set the table, says to her during their conversation, “Mom, you just don’t care if I live or die!”

The mother’s emotions are immediately triggered, since her son is near and dear to her heart. She can’t help wondering why her son would feel this way. Her first reaction is to feel hurt and then, as her stronger emotions take over, she reacts with anger and their conversation quickly turns into a nasty argument.

As their emotions escalate, chaos is the result, which is one of the main reasons why so many people find it difficult to feel inner peace. Emotions and thoughts are complex. If your emotions do not automatically create a sense of quiet, then you will quickly become a victim of chaos and distress.

Inner peace requires quiet emotions and thoughts. To find your own inner peace, it helps if you learn self-talk that quickly reminds you to remain calm no matter what obstacle you are facing. Mothers often have a difficult time with this because they must care for self, while also thinking about their mate, children, and what they need to feel fulfilled. Thus, moms searching for inner peace would be wise find times throughout their day to relax for self.

The many problems we face each day can make it hard to find inner peace. Meeting financial obligations, dealing with your children, world problems, and other problems can often make it difficult to find quietness of the mind and emotions. One thing that helps is to minimize the news the media brings to you each day unless it has a direct affect on your life. Carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders will never bring you inner peace because you have so little control over any of what is going on. So, pay attention, petition the government if necessary, or protest if you feel the need, but do not get trapped into being overly caught up in the things you cannot change.

Also, if you allow others to take up residence in your mind it will only result in causing emotional stress. Therefore, by taking control of your mind, you will not allow anyone else to rent space in your head, especially if they don’t trigger emotions and thoughts that make you smile.

Our emotions store up mechanisms that can destroy our inner peace, data that comes from the subconscious mind. This includes negative information such as jealousy, anger, hate, frustration, etc. all stored within the subconscious, which has a strong affect on our emotions.

Thus, taking the time for self-analysis is the best way to resolve any struggles you may have that allow your emotions to frustrate your ability to find inner peace. When we express thoughts and emotions, this reflection of our mind becomes public, and anyone around you will form their opinion of your character based on their observations of you.

Therefore, if you feel lost and unable to get a sense of your inner self, you could ask friends and family tell you exactly what type of person they think you are. This may help you come to grips with your self, and start you on the process of finding your inner peace.

Human beings are imperfect. Thus, trying to find perfection is a waste of time and energy. It’s always good to work hard at minimizing bad habits and behaviors, but never allow yourself to think you’re working towards perfection. If you do, then you can’t help but be let down and inner peace will never arrive.

Keep an eye on your impulses. If you’re the type that acts out every impulse, inner peace will be difficult to find since your emotions and thoughts control your actions, behavior and attitude. Impulses are responses to emotions that enforces action. If you tend to act impulsively in every decision you make, you will constantly be looking back at all the mistakes you made — not the best way to find inner peace.

Finding inner peace takes time, effort, skill, and the will to achieve. By staying alert to how your emotions react in every situation, you can learn to shift them into a path that will bring you peace of mind and a happier and healthier life.

Run
Put on your running shoes, and just take off! The term ‘runner’s high’ couldn’t be more apt. Don’t expect anything, if you plan on running just for a few minutes – yo need to for at least 30 minutes before you start feeling good. You may feel incredibly tired during the first 15 minutes, but hang on in there, and soon enough you will feel the difference. This natural high occurs because of the endorphins that are released during such an intense form of exercise.

Laugh
Whoever said that laughter is the best medicine, couldn’t be more accurate. Notice how you feel when you’ve had a really good laugh till your jaw hurts or when you have tears rolling down your eyes. This feeling of goodness will give you a high like anything else. Discuss a funny incident with friends, or watch a really movie or a television series. the more you laugh, the more endorphins will be released in your system.

Listen to music
Listen to some instrumental music. Not only will this calm you down and help you relieve stress, but also bring about a sense of happiness. Even listening to your favorite songs can have a similar effect. Make a separate file of songs that make you smile, and call it your ‘happy song’ folder. Listening to it when you are down will cheer you up.

Meditate
the benefits of meditation are numerous. A few minutes of meditation takes you to a calm, relaxed state, which in turn gives you a natural high. You could meditate at home or even join a class. There are different techniques for meditation. The internet has loads of information that will be of great help. Meditate to lower your heart rate and keep your blood pressure in check.

Consider the following, and ask yourself how many of these dysfunctional ways of thinking you engage in:
1. Surround yourself with people who think like you. Then no one will criticize you.
2. Don’t question your relationships. You then can avoid dealing with problems within them.
3. If critiqued by a friend or lover, look sad and dejected and say, “I thought you were my friend!” or “I thought you loved me!”
4. When you do something unreasonable, always be ready with an excuse. h en you won’t have to take responsibility. If you can’t think of an excuse, look sorry and say, “I can’t help how I am!”
5. Focus on the negative side of life. h en you can make yourself miserable and blame it on others.
6. Blame others for your mistakes. h en you won’t have to feel responsible for your mistakes. Nor will you have to do anything about them.
7. Verbally attack those who criticize you. h en you don’t have to bother listening to what they say.
8. Go along with the groups you are in. h en you won’t have to figure out anything for yourself.
9. Act out when you don’t get what you want. If questioned, look indignant and say, “I’m just an emotional person. At least I don’t keep my feelings bottled up!”
10. Focus on getting what you want. If questioned, say, “If I don’t look out for number one, who will?”

As you can see, this list would be almost laughable if these irrational ways of thinking didn’t lead to problems in life. But they do. And often. Only when you are faced with the absurdity of dysfunctional or even pathological thinking and can see it at work in your life do you have a chance to alter it.

No matter who you are or where you are, you can change your life with gratitude, but you must feel it with your whole heart and radiate it from every cell. Gratitude is not a mental exercise, and in fact, if you simply use your mind for gratitude it will have little or no power. True gratitude comes from your heart! You must think gratitude through your heart, speak gratitude through your heart, and feel it intensely in your heart.

Then practice gratitude relentlessly. As you practice gratitude you will attract more thoughts and feelings of gratitude. In a short time your entire being will be saturated with it, and you will experience a happiness that is beyond what you can imagine. This is what is ahead for you when you choose gratitude as your way of life. And if you can really live in this highest state of gratitude, you will never have to ask for anything. Everything you want will be given to you before you even ask, because gratitude is the magnetic substance that opens every single door in the Universe.

The person at a number one position sleeps less, eats less and his peace of mind disappears. Blood pressure, sugar, anxiety, restlessness and palpitation, suddenly become a part of this rich man’s world. In addition, he is left with no inspiration and no one to look up to and achieve a different, much higher target. Not merely he, his entire family bears the brunt of him being at number one position. A self-acquired responsibility dominates his mind almost 24 hours a day, seven days a week and 52 weeks in a year.

On the other hand, imagine the condition of the person who is at number two position. Apart from a little pain of not being at number one position, he is much relaxed and happier. He knows that he can get away with few things as there is a senior above him to take responsibility. He has a well nourished ambition to become number one and he works hard for it. He has a strong credibility attached, as people around him know that still has to reach top and will not spoil his position or reputation. He enjoys an easy life with family and friends. All he needs is to concentrate on his present job, work hard, be honest and dedicated and things would automatically fall in his way. If you have played the game of chess, you would understand the value of ‘Vazir’ who is considered number two in the game but is sometimes even more important than the number one, the kind. Once the ‘Vazir’ is killed, half of the game is won by the opponent. The ranks are in the same order. At times, the number two play a far more important and stronger role in an organisation, than the number one. The dependency of number one on number two makes the later the ‘Vazir’ of the organization without which the ‘King’ is incomplete and fears losing a battle.

This does not imply that one should not strive to become number one. This article is for those who are aiming at becoming number one but they are somehow are not able to achieve the position. Do not worry. There is a famous ad line ‘We are at number two we work hard’. Your efforts are duly recognized by everyone and especially those who fear that someday you would become number one, so be happy.

If you think you’re unable to work for the best company in its sphere, make it your aim.

If you think you’re incapable of running a company, make that your aim.

If you think you’re unable to be on the cover of Time magazine, make it your business to be there.

Make your vision of where you want to be a reality.

Nothing is impossible.