If ego can erode brotherly ties between the world’s richest siblings, ruin careers and relationships, wipe away fortunes and futures, it surely is a greater  force than most of us give it credit for!

Come to think of it, ego is one of the two deadliest traps you could fall into – at work, or even in your relationships. The second of course is emotion. The two forces within that could conspire to ruin you with very little help from external enemies. The enemies within.

Ego that blinds you to all else but a perceived slight. And emotion that blinds you to the outcome of your resultant outburst. Ego that makes an entire clan believe their honor has been hurt by a young couple’s romantic liaison. And emotion that makes them kill their own child and the lover.

From the Gita to Osho to Bhuddhist teachings to modern Western analysis of the constructed nature of self, all religions and philosophies have attempted to define ego. Yet, ego remains almost as abused a word as “sexy!” “He has a huge ego;” “Don’t let ego ruin your relationship;” “Ego comes in the way of success” are oft-heard phrases. And yet, how many understand what the word means?

Here are few definitions, Ego is “a pseudo reflection of the soul” (Lord Krishna in The Gita); “a false sense of the self,” (Master Sheng yen, one of the world’s most respected Bhuddhist masters); “an emotional charged image of self” (Otto Kernberg, pioneering psychologist); “A false centre. The reflection of what others think” (Osho).

So then should one rid oneself of all ego and emotion as religious texts prescribe? Well, so long as you wish to live in the world and not take off to the mountains in the loin skin carrying a kavandal, the better deal surely is to learn to handle ego and emotion rather than give them up!

You can either make ego and emotions your strength or your greatest weakness by allowing someone else to handle them to their advantage. If someone who knows you mildly can play you like a musical instruments, eliciting the emotions and responses they want from you, that is your biggest Achilles’ heel. If your enemy knows what most angers you and so makes you lose control, undoubtedly he will be tempted to use his power over you.

In our everyday lives, we are bound to be faced with situations that hurt our ego or incite emotions. A hurt ego almost always responds emotionally. The emotion amy be one of sadness, anger, revenge or aggression. Give in to it and you have walked into a trap; to walk away is to transcend on to tanother plane and feel thrilled with your will power and control over yourself.

People take a catlike delight in playing with those trapped by their emotions. As Deepak Chopra says, managing others begins with managing yourself first. “Business leaders who don’t know themselves too well and cannot get a grip on their emotions and ego, fail miserably.”

The top performing companies are usually those who CEO’s names you wouldn’t know. They have none of the ego and arrogance associated with a CEO. That’s because “these people were not into themselves; their goal was not adulation or power, but to create a great company.” Their companies would do well even after they leave. Which is more than can be said for Jack Welch, former CEO of General Electric. But can certainly be said for Infosys’ Narayanmurthy!

The aim should be to develop a high level of emotional intelligence, which enables you to think through your emotions intelligently. And to use your emotions to help you think more intelligently. It is important to stay in touch  with who you are as a human being, because that is who you will be in every sphere of life, be it work or relationship.

To that end, ego or an awareness of self is important. Who you think you are is an integral part of who you become.

1: How’s your stamina?

We’re not talking primarily about physical stamina here, although that’s part of it. In a lot of shops, the workload can grind people down if they aren’t strong enough to handle it. It’s important to let candidates know that a position will be demanding-as well as to see how they rate themselves in the fortitude department.

2: How hard have you been working lately?

Even the most industrious employees can lose the habit of working hard if they’ve been in a situation that doesn’t require it. And a candidate who’s fallen into “coasting” mode may have trouble ramping up for the effort you require. Conversely, a candidate who speaks enthusiastically about being engaged in challenging projects may well be a self-starter who could energize your team with his or her commitment and work ethic.

3: How do you react to being told “No”?

A big part of the typical manager’s job is telling people why they can’t do something-either because they don’t have the money or resources or because an idea or proposal is no good. And let’s face it: Some folks don’t handle being told No that well. A candid response to this question may not tell you for sure how well candidates handle the issue, but it could give you a picture of whether they’re aware of their own tendencies.

4: Can you handle telling other people “No”?

If don’t want to be the DDrN (Designated Dr. No) for the organization, you need people on your team who are willing and able to share the load. Of course, you don’t want someone who’s chomping at the bit to slap people down, either. But it can be revealing to see how many candidates respond along these lines: “I don’t really feel comfortable telling other people they can’t do things. I just worry about my own responsibilities.”

5: How good are you — REALLY — at handling change?

Everybody asks this question, so of course every candidate has a prepared answer. It goes like this: “I think it’s important to be flexible and adapt to new circumstances. One time, [insert anecdote illustrating ability to manage change here]….” This is a critical problem for managers, because the pace of change continues to accelerate, but a lot of job candidates are extremely uncomfortable with it. Trying to identify those folks during the interview process may require you to ask about it point-blank–and then hope that the candidate will abandon the script at some point so you can have an earnest discussion.

6: Are you a good scrounger?

A common interview question centers around a candidate’s problem-solving capability. But this question focuses on a candidate’s ability to come up with the resources out of what he or she has on the shelf. (Think of the James Garner character “The Scrounger” from the movie The Great Escape, who comes up with camera, pipe, or whatever else the POWs need when planning their breakout.)

7: When conflict arises on your team, how do you handle it?

This is one of those questions that can easily be fielded with a stock answer and a polished anecdote, so it’s up to you to try to elicit something more illuminating. Often this will just be a matter of asking follow-up questions (and these don’t have to be formulaic; just have a conversation around what the candidate has told you). You can also pose a scenario and ask candidates what they might do in a particular situation. Is this approach contrived? You bet it is. But it will challenge candidates to think on their feet and may provide useful clues about their personality and conflict management skills.

8: What have the last few years taught you?

Anyone who’s been in IT for awhile knows that the industry has had some serious ups and downs. This questions is designed to get at what the job candidate has learned through the periods of explosive growth as well as through the tough downturns, tight budgets, and shifts in the job market.

9: What type of people do you like to work with?

Even if you get a canned response here, you may be able to get a glimpse of the candidate’s personality. Previous experiences and genuine preferences will often filter through to their answers. For example: “I like to work with people who really know what they’re talking about, not people who just want to show everyone how smart they are”; “I like to work with people who I can bounce ideas off of”; “I like to work with people who respect what I do.”

10: How do you stay current?

Since this one comes right out of Interviewing 101, most candidates will be ready for it. But it’s still a critical question that must be addressed. The technology changes so quickly that all of our past experience decreases in value daily. You can’t hire an IT professional without assessing their plans to keep abreast of new products and technologies.

11: What’s the toughest thing you’ve had to do professionally?

This question also comes out of the interviewing playbook, but it’s still a good one. It’s interesting to see whether the candidate mentions some technical achievement or project or discusses something more personal instead — for example, having to fire an employee.

12: How would you describe your perfect job?

You can learn a lot from the responses to this question, and it may spark a lively conversation as well. You might discover that the candidate is quite assertive in describing what he or she wants a position to provide; in fact, you may learn a thing or two that will help you craft a better job description for the position. You might also find out that a candidate has some unrealistic expectations about the respective roles of employer and employee-which could lead to disappointment and poor performance if left unaddressed.

13: If you could take back one career decision, what would it be?

This is a pretty good shot-in-the-dark question. There is certainly no “right” answer, but it can be useful to see how candidates respond. Can they point to something instantly or do they have to consider? Maybe they’ll be confident enough to admit, “I can’t think of anything substantial. So far, I’m pretty pleased with how my career is going.” Sometimes, ambivalence or dissatisfaction come to light, suggesting that they’re headed down the wrong path altogether. Regardless of their answer, this question can lead to an interesting discussion.