How you get your point across determines how far you will go in your career and relationships. Here are some tips to improve your communication skills.

BE RECEPTIVE

One of the most common reasons for an exasperated conversation is the perceptual threat.More commonly explained as hearing what you want to hear.While most of us tend to tune out things we dont want to hear,we interpret things in a manner convenient and palatable to us.Often,constructive and well meaning criticism is lost in the process.The key is to keep your mind open towards the information and as far as possible,process it with the same intention as it is intended.

BETWEEN THE LINES

Trying to understand subtexts in a conversation is key to its effectiveness.Its not enough to process words.More is communicated through body language,speed and tonality of the voice,etc.Some of the most important parts of any conversation are not openly articulated.Sieving non-verbal signals and subtexts then becomes important.Arguing partners react to each others spoken word without correlating it to other signals that are communicated.Watch out for hand gestures,facial expressions,volume etc.and be observant of all the signals your partner is sending your way before reacting.

IT RUNS DEEP

Everything that is said carries a substantial emotional weight.Before engaging someone in a conversation,look out for their reaction to  see if they want to be communicating with you at the moment. Many times,because we have something to say,we assume the other person would be willing to listen.Yeah,yeah or Okay or monosyllabic answers are usually a good indicators of distraction and disinterest.One needs to be watchful of the emotional quotient of what is being said.If someone says,I am feeling fine in a low pitched voice,or Nothing is wrong in a stern,flat,low-toned voice,it usually indicates a contradicting message.

RESPECT IS KEY

Everyone has a point of view,and it may not always be aligned to yours.But for an effective communication,it is essential to respect the person you are interacting with.If you dont,it shows through immediately,no matter how subtle your attempts are.Acknowledge the persons background,expertise and capabilities.Even if its a colleague you dislike,respect them for where they are.

THE LOOK

Looking at the speaker in the eye is a reassuring way of letting the person know you are there and listening.You dont have to stare like you are dazed,but just maintain a long enough gaze and a reaffirming nod to let them know that you arent zoning out.

TALK RIGHT

Another common mistake we often make is not being able to say exactly what we mean and then suffering the consequences.What sounds right in our mind may not be put across with the right set of words.So it is important to think about what you are going to say and how it might sound to someone else.Very often sarcasm or a harmless joke ends up being misinterpreted since the person listening isnt in the same mental space as you.Be aware of your audiences mood.

ANSWER THE QUESTION

To get the right answers,ask the right questions.Being a better communicator requires you to know the right questions to ask to be able to forward the conversation in the right direction.Its also essential to delicately frame probing questions since people are usually defensive about revealing certain information.Take care especially while dealing with someone with whom you share a formal relationship like a colleague or extended family etc.

I have been trapped in this Time Killer stuff lately. thinking about doing something but not being able to do sucks. But do we really find out the reason on why were we not able to do what we are suppose to? or what we want to?

Here are some of my observations, and more likely my experiences

The Social Network – Being in the social world is amazing. News from one part of the world reaches another in no time. At the same time people are getting addicted to these sites. Competing with others on friends count, their post count or applications available on these sites these are time killers.

Already Always Listening – This is what you think you are. This is someone speaking to you continuously. Saying things like, “this is good”, “this is bad”, “look at the other person”, “ahh!! common its just 7 AM go to sleep again” and more such thing that pulls you back. But is this really who you are?

Habits – As mentioned in above point, someone in you tell you I enjoy doing this. And this is when you start doing “This” so often. Doing something so often moves things from your conscious mind to your sub-conscious mind and that’s when things become habit. And these habits are really time consuming gaining you no result at all.

Life is lifying – Most of the times we are so lazy that we let things go as they are. We stay in our comfort zone. Staying in your comfort zone will not fetch you new results. How can you expect doing same things and getting different results?

Stress – After doing all the above things we think, “What was I suppose to do by this time?”, and since we haven’t done anything much on what we were suppose to do gives us more stress. This goes on and on this is nothing but a sign that you are caught in the rat race.

All this factors contribute to your time wasters and cause you more stress. You should set an action signal that will get you back to what you were doing. Action signal can be anything like, Punching you hand in air, or saying
“back to work”, “Common”, or anything like that. So next time you are doing something you are not suppose to do just do your action signal.

Awareness is the first step. You can’t change what you don’t notice.