During the presentation ceremony of the 20-20 World Cup, Dhoni looked at Ravi Shashtri and, with a genuine smile, said, I remember you called us underdogs and so we have won the cup for you. Here is a man who does not collapse under the weight of a comment from an important cricketer but works forward with gusto, logic and a renewed determination. When important people undermine or underestimate you, get in touch with your feelings of fear, dread, anger or sadness and convert these into greater resolve.

MOVE ON

When India loses, Dhoni often publicly accepts the teams shortfalls but does not dwell on them for long. During one loss, he said, This match is over, lets plan for the next. Unlike captains of yesteryears, who would brood, ruminate and introspect too much, our reigning captain has mastered the art of leaving things behind. Fear and disappointment are not allowed to percolate his mind. Just focus on newer frontiers with a fresh pair of eyes and a refreshed mood. Do not be the victim of excessive critical appraisal from yourself or others. It may paralyse you.

US, NOT I

On the day of victory, the World Cup was in every players hands, except Dhonis. A couple of years ago, Dhoni asked Anil Kumble to take the cup after a victory in a test series. His genuine affection for his team is visible and the bonding is strong. He has praise for all but neither did he mince words when Gambhir failed to make his 100 due to a bad shot. He is genuine, even blunt. He has publicly made statements such as, Our middle order should perform or Sreeshanth should behave.

STAY COOL

Dhoni is cool during tense moments. No sledging, or rash words. It would be interesting to learn more about his self-talk. It probably involves thoughts such as Calm down, Focus now or Let me try something new. The feeling of dread and fear is allowed to pass. He probably observes these emotions come and go on his mind screen. This thought process is visible on his face that remains childlike many a time during a crisis. So, when the chips are down, just observe your feelings as they come. If you find yourself fretting or yelling, you have been hijacked emotionally and will lose friends and battles. If not, creative responses will emerge.

KEEP AT IT

MSD teased Ravi Shashtri by saying, If we had lost, many questions why Sreeshanth, why did I bat before Yuvraj would have been asked. His getting into the middle of a battle shows he loves challenges and does not bother with incessant advice from exgreats. Like Anil Kumble, who shared at his retirement that he ignored all criticism during his lean period and persisted, our captain also practices dogged perseveration with risk-taking. The Dhoni mantra is clear persevere while down, take risks and obey your instincts.

GRATITUDE

Lastly but importantly, Dhoni feels and expresses his gratitude openly. After the win, he said, I chose to come before and Gary backed me. Thanking Gary and Paddy, and others significant to his performance as well as that of the team, comes naturally to him. Gratitude is a part of his personality.

What does it take to hold on to principles?

How difficult is to be man of integrity in today’s world? But Sachin Tendulkar, stands on his principles no matter what. A great exhibition of his integrity was when Sachin Tendulkar walked out, without a backward glance, in India Vs West Indies world cup match, even when an Australian umpire Steve Davis declared him not out!

Sachin, did not hesitate for a second walked off. He knew he has nicked the ball and that was enough for him to walk off. This is not the first time, Sachin has always been a walker!

Ricky Ponting, Australian captain on the other hand, stood his ground even when he knew he has nicked the ball, while playing against Pakistan. He was declared not out but he did not walk off, after being reviewed he was declared out. In the post match interview, Pointing confessed, he knew he had nicked, but din’t walk off.

Sachin, being such a great cricketer, nobody ridicule’s him for holding on to the principles. But not everyone is Sachin.

Adam Gilchrist, another Australian, is one of the player who walks off. He has confessed he never had support from his team to walk off which made him feel isolated. He said, he felt selfish, as if he is walking for the sake of my own image, thereby everyone else look dishonest.

Principles are difficult to stand by, especially when others oppose. All of us have some principles, but they often become flexible, depending upon situation. You should always stand to your words, you should refuse to compromise under any circumstances, be in integrity. You’ll always have problems in doing so, but if you stand out you’ll always be happy deep within.

People in today’s world try to look good and avoid looking bad, thinking what others will think about them. It has become very difficult to be honest, but you should be honest with yourself, atleast!

To be true to yourself takes courage. It requires you to be introspective, sincere,open-minded and fair. It does not mean that you are inconsiderate or disrespectful of others. It means that you will not let others define you or make decisions for you that you should make for yourself.

Don’t listen to those who say, “It’s not done that way.” Maybe it’s not, but maybe you will. Don’t listen to those who say, “You’re taking too big a chance.” Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor, and it would surely be rubbed out by today. Most importantly, don’t listen when the little voice of fear inside of you rears its ugly head and says, “They’re all smarter than you out there. They’re more talented, they’re taller, blonder, prettier, luckier and have connections…” I firmly believe that if you follow a path that interests you, not to the exclusion of love, sensitivity, and cooperation with others, but with the strength of conviction that you can move others by your own efforts, and do not make success or failure the criteria by which you live, the chances are you’ll be a person worthy of your own respect.–Neil Simon

Not a single visual of chest-beating or wild grief. Sorrow itself has been elevated.

2. THE DIGNITY

Disciplined queues for water and groceries. Not a rough word or a crude gesture.

3. THE ABILITY

The incredible architects, for instance. Buildings swayed but didn’t fall.

4. THE GRACE

People bought only what they needed for the present, so everybody could get something.

5. THE ORDER

No looting in shops. No honking and no overtaking on the roads. Just understanding.

6. THE SACRIFICE

Fifty workers stayed back to pump sea water in the N-reactors. How will they ever be repaid?

7. THE TENDERNESS

Restaurants cut prices. An unguarded ATM is left alone. The strong cared for the weak.

8. THE TRAINING

The old and the children, everyone knew exactly what to do. And they did just that.

9. THE MEDIA

They showed magnificent restraint in the bulletins. No silly reporters. Only calm reportage.

10. THE CONSCIENCE

When the power went off in a store, people put things back on the shelves and left quietly

Here are some of my observations, and more likely my experiences

The Social Network – Being in the social world is amazing. News from one part of the world reaches another in no time. At the same time people are getting addicted to these sites. Competing with others on friends count, their post count or applications available on these sites these are time killers.

Already Always Listening – This is what you think you are. This is someone speaking to you continuously. Saying things like, “this is good”, “this is bad”, “look at the other person”, “ahh!! common its just 7 AM go to sleep again” and more such thing that pulls you back. But is this really who you are?

Habits – As mentioned in above point, someone in you tell you I enjoy doing this. And this is when you start doing “This” so often. Doing something so often moves things from your conscious mind to your sub-conscious mind and that’s when things become habit. And these habits are really time consuming gaining you no result at all.

Life is lifying – Most of the times we are so lazy that we let things go as they are. We stay in our comfort zone. Staying in your comfort zone will not fetch you new results. How can you expect doing same things and getting different results?

Stress – After doing all the above things we think, “What was I suppose to do by this time?”, and since we haven’t done anything much on what we were suppose to do gives us more stress. This goes on and on this is nothing but a sign that you are caught in the rat race.

All this factors contribute to your time wasters and cause you more stress. You should set an action signal that will get you back to what you were doing. Action signal can be anything like, Punching you hand in air, or saying
“back to work”, “Common”, or anything like that. So next time you are doing something you are not suppose to do just do your action signal.

Awareness is the first step. You can’t change what you don’t notice.

Surely not.It cannot be possible to like everything about even the one person you love most in the world be it a parent,a child,or the man or woman in your life! There will always be at least one trait you dislike,one negative you would rather wish away. And therein starts our quest to change those we love most.If only that teeny weeny thing about them could be changed a habit given up,a personality trait dropped or another acquired ! Parents go beyond the formative years of kids and waste precious time and energy trying to change their adult offspring! People even attempt to influence a change in traits of old parents! And yet one negative trait cannot possibly make you give up totally on a loved one.A recent article in Los Angeles Times talks critically of a therapist who advised a woman to totally sever all ties with her father since he was evil.When the author,a social psychologist Carol Tavris,asked the woman if she thought her father was 100 per cent bad,she replied,No,I think hes a normal guy who made some mistakes. For one negative,you cannot possibly give up an entire relationship.Couples spend entire lifetimes trying to change each other to tally with their idea of perfection.

How much better life would be if we just accepted each other as we are! And just learn to turn a blind eye to the little things we dont like,even as we make the most of the vast things we love about each other.

Why is it compulsory to like everything about a friend You can pick on what you like and focus on that,turning a blind eye to what you do not approve of.Must you go around trying to change the world You can value a friend for her loyalty and generosity and forgive her for her streak of cattiness.You can love the side of her that you cherish and simply accept,even ignore,the one you disapprove of.What a sense of peace that brings to a relationship!

Now,if nobody can be perfect,no one can be all bad either.Even in the worst of humans,we can find some goodness we can relate to and appreciate.How can anyone be all good or all bad How can you be all right or all wrong You wouldnt be human if you were! Gods and Goddesses too have their weak spots and moments.

In her latest book The Power,Rhonda Byrne urges,Notice the things you love in other people,and turn away from the things you dont so you dont give them any feeling. She goes on to say,If you cant love the good in someone or something simply turn away turn away by looking for the things you love in life!

Much like you would do at a buffet,take the best from each human being and from every relationship and enjoy it to the fullest.And just as you would walk past the dishes you dont care about,do not focus on what you dont like and so get hassled or make futile attempts to change it!

Love Yourself

One of the most important relationships of all is the one you share with yourself.Unfortunately,most of us allow our perception of our own strengths and capabilities to be determined by those around us family,friends and colleagues.Their opinion is what we begin to believe as the truth despite the fact that we know exactly what heights we are capable of touching.And,as most of you in this kind of a situation will agree,it can often leave one with a sense of worthlessness as no matter what you do,you just never seem to meet anyone’s expectations.

Love yourself

Most people opine that if you love yourself,you are a vain person.This,however,is far from the truth.In reality,its more important for a person to love themselves,even before loving someone else.Its only when one is comfortable with themselves and who they are that you will be able to accept the other person for who they are and love them wholly,not because they conform to your needs or wants.

The importance of loving yourself is very significant because it helps one survive.When you love yourself,you take pride in yourself as an individual and attempt to do your best in your chosen field of endeavor.Positive self love can be highly motivating and encourage an individual to achieve what they believe they can/should.Self love also propagates love towards others because only when you are happy with yourself will you do things,not only for you but for others too.Loving others is but an extension of loving yourself.A mother who is not happy being a mother can never love her baby.Similarly,if you don’t love yourself and you don’t consider yourself worthy of love from others,you will be unable to spread your love to others.If we keep living by others opinions and expectations,we are doing great injustice to ourselves.Each human was designed to be an individual and though society tries its utmost to tame our impulses,our individuality shines in some way or the other.Hence,those who accept their individuality and uniqueness are on a path of happiness while those who suppress it remain unhappy and miserable because they don’t see a meaning to their lives.However,if loving oneself is carried to the extreme of narcissistic love,where it is only love yourself and give a damn about others,then the process of self harm starts.This leads to alienation and separation from others which leads to isolation and unhappiness.

Believe in yourself

Though everyone may have their own opinion,remember that you and only you are the true judge of your capabilities.Each of us know our s t re t ch i n g point and our breaking point,and most often its much more that others will tell you.So no matter what happens,and how many times you fail,its only your belief in yourself that will give you the strength to get up,move on and cross that finishing line.

Ones motivation to achieve big things come mainly from believing in yourself and in your capability to do so.Apart from that,you also need to believe in your talents,values and the purpose of your task.Sometimes,the things people say may cause you to doubt yourself.But instead of losing faith and getting disheartened,its better to look at the comments as constructive criticism.It is very important to nurture the ability to convert bad feedback into constructive criticism.At times,the quick pace at which your peers may achieve success can also be a de-motivator.However,it is important to remember that each person works at their own pace and that,just because you are slower,doesn’t mean what you’re doing is less good or less powerful that the other person.

Forgive yourself

To err is human,to forgive divine.Remember,this adage is as applicable to yourself as it is to the other people around you.Its very easy to chastise yourself for mistakes made but you are just as human and prone to mistakes are your friends and close ones.Hence,just like you’d forgive them for their mistakes,you need to forgive yourself too.More than anything else,it will give you that much needed kick-start.

Many people misconstrue that forgiveness would make one more callous and immoral.Quite the contrary! Guilt serves zilch and the more guilty one feels the more self-hating and that only wastes energy and does nothing to improve what needs to be improved.We are human,and hence,mistake making and fallible.So its only natural and human to err.The less forgiving you are of yourself the more you try and be superhuman a condition which is impossible and unfulfillable.Forgiving oneself doesn’t mean shedding off responsibility for your actions,it only means,giving yourself the right to be wrong,giving yourself the chance to be imperfect! When you forgive yourself,you give yourself a chance to correct,evolve and grow as a person.When you forgive others you do yourself a favor and are not enveloped by feelings of hatred and revenge.To err is human and not forgiving isn’t divine,it simply leaves you saner and more realistic!

Love Yourself

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken,
Twisted by knaves to make at trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build’em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings,
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you,
Except the Will which says to them: “HOLD ON”;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue;
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute,
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run –
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it.

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is so much pressure on people to conform. Pressure to be something you are not. Pressure to fit in. So much for originality!

What is up with that?! Be yourself. Be grateful that you are different. Express your uniqueness. Celebrate diversity!

Be solemn if your topic is serious. Present the desired image to your audience. Appear relaxed, even if you feel nervous. Establish rapport with your audience. If a microphone is available, adjust and adapt your voice accordingly.

Master the use of presentation software such as PowerPoint well before your presentation. Persuade your audience effectively. Speak loudly and clearly. Sound confident. Maintain sincere eye contact with your audience. If what you have prepared is obviously not getting across to your audience, change your strategy mid-stream if you are well prepared to do so. Allow yourself and your audience a little time to reflect and think. Keep audience interested throughout your entire presentation. Remember that an interesting speech makes time fly, but a boring speech is always too long to endure even if the presentation time is the same.

Check out the location ahead of time to ensure seating arrangements for audience, whiteboard, blackboard, lighting, location of projection screen, sound system, etc. are suitable for your presentation.

Tell audience ahead of time that you will be giving out an outline of your presentation so that they will not waste time taking unnecessary notes during your presentation.

Here are just a few hints, public speaking tips and techniques to help you develop your skills and become far more effective as a public speaker.

• Mistakes

  Mistakes are all right.

  Recovering from mistakes makes you appear more human.

  Good recovery puts your audience at ease – they identify with you more.

• How to use the public speaking environment

  Try not to get stuck in one place.

  Use all the space that’s available to you.

  Move around.

  One way to do this is to leave your notes in one place and move to another.

  If your space is confined (say a meeting room or even presenting at a table) use stronger body language to convey your message.

• Tell stories

  Stories make you a real person not just a deliverer of information.

  Use personal experiences to bring your material to life.

  No matter how dry your material is, you can always find a way to humanise it.

• Technology

  Speak to your audience not your slides.

  Your slides are there to support you not the other way around.

  Ideally, slides should be graphics and not words (people read faster than they hear and will be impatient for you to get to the next point).

  If all the technology on offer fails, it’s still you they’ve come to hear.

• Humour

  Tell jokes if you’re good at telling jokes.

  If you aren’t good, best to leave the jokes behind.

  There’s nothing worse than a punch line that has no punch.

  Gentle humour is good in place of jokes.

  Self-deprecation is good, but try not to lay it on too thick.

You can learn to enjoy public speaking and become far more effective at standing in front of a group of people and delivering a potent message.

And remember to keep practicing!