During the presentation ceremony of the 20-20 World Cup, Dhoni looked at Ravi Shashtri and, with a genuine smile, said, I remember you called us underdogs and so we have won the cup for you. Here is a man who does not collapse under the weight of a comment from an important cricketer but works forward with gusto, logic and a renewed determination. When important people undermine or underestimate you, get in touch with your feelings of fear, dread, anger or sadness and convert these into greater resolve.

MOVE ON

When India loses, Dhoni often publicly accepts the teams shortfalls but does not dwell on them for long. During one loss, he said, This match is over, lets plan for the next. Unlike captains of yesteryears, who would brood, ruminate and introspect too much, our reigning captain has mastered the art of leaving things behind. Fear and disappointment are not allowed to percolate his mind. Just focus on newer frontiers with a fresh pair of eyes and a refreshed mood. Do not be the victim of excessive critical appraisal from yourself or others. It may paralyse you.

US, NOT I

On the day of victory, the World Cup was in every players hands, except Dhonis. A couple of years ago, Dhoni asked Anil Kumble to take the cup after a victory in a test series. His genuine affection for his team is visible and the bonding is strong. He has praise for all but neither did he mince words when Gambhir failed to make his 100 due to a bad shot. He is genuine, even blunt. He has publicly made statements such as, Our middle order should perform or Sreeshanth should behave.

STAY COOL

Dhoni is cool during tense moments. No sledging, or rash words. It would be interesting to learn more about his self-talk. It probably involves thoughts such as Calm down, Focus now or Let me try something new. The feeling of dread and fear is allowed to pass. He probably observes these emotions come and go on his mind screen. This thought process is visible on his face that remains childlike many a time during a crisis. So, when the chips are down, just observe your feelings as they come. If you find yourself fretting or yelling, you have been hijacked emotionally and will lose friends and battles. If not, creative responses will emerge.

KEEP AT IT

MSD teased Ravi Shashtri by saying, If we had lost, many questions why Sreeshanth, why did I bat before Yuvraj would have been asked. His getting into the middle of a battle shows he loves challenges and does not bother with incessant advice from exgreats. Like Anil Kumble, who shared at his retirement that he ignored all criticism during his lean period and persisted, our captain also practices dogged perseveration with risk-taking. The Dhoni mantra is clear persevere while down, take risks and obey your instincts.

GRATITUDE

Lastly but importantly, Dhoni feels and expresses his gratitude openly. After the win, he said, I chose to come before and Gary backed me. Thanking Gary and Paddy, and others significant to his performance as well as that of the team, comes naturally to him. Gratitude is a part of his personality.

What does it take to hold on to principles?

How difficult is to be man of integrity in today’s world? But Sachin Tendulkar, stands on his principles no matter what. A great exhibition of his integrity was when Sachin Tendulkar walked out, without a backward glance, in India Vs West Indies world cup match, even when an Australian umpire Steve Davis declared him not out!

Sachin, did not hesitate for a second walked off. He knew he has nicked the ball and that was enough for him to walk off. This is not the first time, Sachin has always been a walker!

Ricky Ponting, Australian captain on the other hand, stood his ground even when he knew he has nicked the ball, while playing against Pakistan. He was declared not out but he did not walk off, after being reviewed he was declared out. In the post match interview, Pointing confessed, he knew he had nicked, but din’t walk off.

Sachin, being such a great cricketer, nobody ridicule’s him for holding on to the principles. But not everyone is Sachin.

Adam Gilchrist, another Australian, is one of the player who walks off. He has confessed he never had support from his team to walk off which made him feel isolated. He said, he felt selfish, as if he is walking for the sake of my own image, thereby everyone else look dishonest.

Principles are difficult to stand by, especially when others oppose. All of us have some principles, but they often become flexible, depending upon situation. You should always stand to your words, you should refuse to compromise under any circumstances, be in integrity. You’ll always have problems in doing so, but if you stand out you’ll always be happy deep within.

People in today’s world try to look good and avoid looking bad, thinking what others will think about them. It has become very difficult to be honest, but you should be honest with yourself, atleast!

To be true to yourself takes courage. It requires you to be introspective, sincere,open-minded and fair. It does not mean that you are inconsiderate or disrespectful of others. It means that you will not let others define you or make decisions for you that you should make for yourself.

Don’t listen to those who say, “It’s not done that way.” Maybe it’s not, but maybe you will. Don’t listen to those who say, “You’re taking too big a chance.” Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor, and it would surely be rubbed out by today. Most importantly, don’t listen when the little voice of fear inside of you rears its ugly head and says, “They’re all smarter than you out there. They’re more talented, they’re taller, blonder, prettier, luckier and have connections…” I firmly believe that if you follow a path that interests you, not to the exclusion of love, sensitivity, and cooperation with others, but with the strength of conviction that you can move others by your own efforts, and do not make success or failure the criteria by which you live, the chances are you’ll be a person worthy of your own respect.–Neil Simon

Not a single visual of chest-beating or wild grief. Sorrow itself has been elevated.

2. THE DIGNITY

Disciplined queues for water and groceries. Not a rough word or a crude gesture.

3. THE ABILITY

The incredible architects, for instance. Buildings swayed but didn’t fall.

4. THE GRACE

People bought only what they needed for the present, so everybody could get something.

5. THE ORDER

No looting in shops. No honking and no overtaking on the roads. Just understanding.

6. THE SACRIFICE

Fifty workers stayed back to pump sea water in the N-reactors. How will they ever be repaid?

7. THE TENDERNESS

Restaurants cut prices. An unguarded ATM is left alone. The strong cared for the weak.

8. THE TRAINING

The old and the children, everyone knew exactly what to do. And they did just that.

9. THE MEDIA

They showed magnificent restraint in the bulletins. No silly reporters. Only calm reportage.

10. THE CONSCIENCE

When the power went off in a store, people put things back on the shelves and left quietly

Similarly, you may have worked out a superb project with deep research and smart inputs, but if your timelines are not worked out and you cross the deadline, it is those couple of hours of delay that become the decisive factor! Similarly, you may be a great worker and a superb professional, but your loose tongue at an inappropriate moment may put paid to the rest of your capabilities ! And just like an intelligent chat show host, you will always find plenty of people around you not just willing, but eager to exploit your negative potential as displayed through that one weak link, that one vulnerability!

There is a category of people who wheedle info after putting you at ease and assuring you they are totally with you. Most of us have had a brush, or several, with the office pseudo sympathiser who always emerges soon as he smells your moment of insecurity or misery. He always knows, for he is on the lookout. And sure enough, there he appears with oodles of sympathy and a smile, pumping you subtly for information. He gives subtle hints and encourages you to speak up. In a moment of weakness, you are most prone to let go and spill it all out. Satisfied, he runs back where he came from and uses the information to his own advantage before you realise! It is only later you realise he got you to bare all but never ever shared any of his or her own troubles! Your one weak moment could have done you a lifetime of harm!

Consider the power of weakness! Even the power of a relationship it is rightly said, lies with the one who cares less never with the one who cares more and so has more at stake! So the weaker your love, the more powerful you are to mould or manoeuvre the relationship and your partner as and how you wish to! And yet, what a miserable power when the partners weakest link, his/her strong love for you, would be the biggest weapon you would use against them!

It is indeed our moments of weakness and weak points that we need to guard its when you are most comfortable that you should be most guarded too. We are born with strengths that we can at best hone and understand, but an equally important task is to understand our weaknesses and work hard upon those. For these, our greatest weaknesses, if guarded and worked upon, have the potential of becoming our greatest strengths!

Remember,the great Achilles was only as strong as his weak heel! Had that not been known, who could have killed him. Had it not been known that Bheeshma would lay down his weapons if faced by a woman and Shikandi not been used for the purpose,who could have defeated the mighty warrior Had it not been known that Abhimanyu could pierce the chakravyuha but not find his way back,how could that innocent son of Arjuna been killed by the Kaurvas.

Be helpful and friendly:

She/he is brand new so try and be as helpful as you can.And this is not only regarding work,but also things like showing them around the office,telling them about the way the team works,keeping them in the loop about meeting schedules,timings of the cafeteria,etc.Help them with the smaller issues so that they can comfortably settle into their new role.

Try not to compare:

If the new team member is replacing someone,especially one who was close to you,do not compare them.Remember,she/he is new and will take time to learn things.And if they dont meet your expectations,you are bound to start resenting them.Avoid that.

Do not feel threatened:

Just because the person is new,she/he isnt naturally a threat to your position,even if they are more educationally qualified.Also,she/he going over the call of duty should not be interpreted as trying to get into the bosses good books.Being new,they will obviously go the extra mile to make a good first impression.Instead of de-motivating or reprimanding them,help and train them to do things the right way.

Give them a fair chance:

Do not rush to conclusions about their ineffectiveness at the very first mistake.She/he is getting used to you and the team and vice verse.Yes,there will be habits that need getting used to but learn to be tolerant.More importantly,look for the positives in the new person and use them to help her/him fit into the team.

BE RECEPTIVE

One of the most common reasons for an exasperated conversation is the perceptual threat.More commonly explained as hearing what you want to hear.While most of us tend to tune out things we dont want to hear,we interpret things in a manner convenient and palatable to us.Often,constructive and well meaning criticism is lost in the process.The key is to keep your mind open towards the information and as far as possible,process it with the same intention as it is intended.

BETWEEN THE LINES

Trying to understand subtexts in a conversation is key to its effectiveness.Its not enough to process words.More is communicated through body language,speed and tonality of the voice,etc.Some of the most important parts of any conversation are not openly articulated.Sieving non-verbal signals and subtexts then becomes important.Arguing partners react to each others spoken word without correlating it to other signals that are communicated.Watch out for hand gestures,facial expressions,volume etc.and be observant of all the signals your partner is sending your way before reacting.

IT RUNS DEEP

Everything that is said carries a substantial emotional weight.Before engaging someone in a conversation,look out for their reaction to  see if they want to be communicating with you at the moment. Many times,because we have something to say,we assume the other person would be willing to listen.Yeah,yeah or Okay or monosyllabic answers are usually a good indicators of distraction and disinterest.One needs to be watchful of the emotional quotient of what is being said.If someone says,I am feeling fine in a low pitched voice,or Nothing is wrong in a stern,flat,low-toned voice,it usually indicates a contradicting message.

RESPECT IS KEY

Everyone has a point of view,and it may not always be aligned to yours.But for an effective communication,it is essential to respect the person you are interacting with.If you dont,it shows through immediately,no matter how subtle your attempts are.Acknowledge the persons background,expertise and capabilities.Even if its a colleague you dislike,respect them for where they are.

THE LOOK

Looking at the speaker in the eye is a reassuring way of letting the person know you are there and listening.You dont have to stare like you are dazed,but just maintain a long enough gaze and a reaffirming nod to let them know that you arent zoning out.

TALK RIGHT

Another common mistake we often make is not being able to say exactly what we mean and then suffering the consequences.What sounds right in our mind may not be put across with the right set of words.So it is important to think about what you are going to say and how it might sound to someone else.Very often sarcasm or a harmless joke ends up being misinterpreted since the person listening isnt in the same mental space as you.Be aware of your audiences mood.

ANSWER THE QUESTION

To get the right answers,ask the right questions.Being a better communicator requires you to know the right questions to ask to be able to forward the conversation in the right direction.Its also essential to delicately frame probing questions since people are usually defensive about revealing certain information.Take care especially while dealing with someone with whom you share a formal relationship like a colleague or extended family etc.

Here are some of my observations, and more likely my experiences

The Social Network – Being in the social world is amazing. News from one part of the world reaches another in no time. At the same time people are getting addicted to these sites. Competing with others on friends count, their post count or applications available on these sites these are time killers.

Already Always Listening – This is what you think you are. This is someone speaking to you continuously. Saying things like, “this is good”, “this is bad”, “look at the other person”, “ahh!! common its just 7 AM go to sleep again” and more such thing that pulls you back. But is this really who you are?

Habits – As mentioned in above point, someone in you tell you I enjoy doing this. And this is when you start doing “This” so often. Doing something so often moves things from your conscious mind to your sub-conscious mind and that’s when things become habit. And these habits are really time consuming gaining you no result at all.

Life is lifying – Most of the times we are so lazy that we let things go as they are. We stay in our comfort zone. Staying in your comfort zone will not fetch you new results. How can you expect doing same things and getting different results?

Stress – After doing all the above things we think, “What was I suppose to do by this time?”, and since we haven’t done anything much on what we were suppose to do gives us more stress. This goes on and on this is nothing but a sign that you are caught in the rat race.

All this factors contribute to your time wasters and cause you more stress. You should set an action signal that will get you back to what you were doing. Action signal can be anything like, Punching you hand in air, or saying
“back to work”, “Common”, or anything like that. So next time you are doing something you are not suppose to do just do your action signal.

Awareness is the first step. You can’t change what you don’t notice.

Surely not.It cannot be possible to like everything about even the one person you love most in the world be it a parent,a child,or the man or woman in your life! There will always be at least one trait you dislike,one negative you would rather wish away. And therein starts our quest to change those we love most.If only that teeny weeny thing about them could be changed a habit given up,a personality trait dropped or another acquired ! Parents go beyond the formative years of kids and waste precious time and energy trying to change their adult offspring! People even attempt to influence a change in traits of old parents! And yet one negative trait cannot possibly make you give up totally on a loved one.A recent article in Los Angeles Times talks critically of a therapist who advised a woman to totally sever all ties with her father since he was evil.When the author,a social psychologist Carol Tavris,asked the woman if she thought her father was 100 per cent bad,she replied,No,I think hes a normal guy who made some mistakes. For one negative,you cannot possibly give up an entire relationship.Couples spend entire lifetimes trying to change each other to tally with their idea of perfection.

How much better life would be if we just accepted each other as we are! And just learn to turn a blind eye to the little things we dont like,even as we make the most of the vast things we love about each other.

Why is it compulsory to like everything about a friend You can pick on what you like and focus on that,turning a blind eye to what you do not approve of.Must you go around trying to change the world You can value a friend for her loyalty and generosity and forgive her for her streak of cattiness.You can love the side of her that you cherish and simply accept,even ignore,the one you disapprove of.What a sense of peace that brings to a relationship!

Now,if nobody can be perfect,no one can be all bad either.Even in the worst of humans,we can find some goodness we can relate to and appreciate.How can anyone be all good or all bad How can you be all right or all wrong You wouldnt be human if you were! Gods and Goddesses too have their weak spots and moments.

In her latest book The Power,Rhonda Byrne urges,Notice the things you love in other people,and turn away from the things you dont so you dont give them any feeling. She goes on to say,If you cant love the good in someone or something simply turn away turn away by looking for the things you love in life!

Much like you would do at a buffet,take the best from each human being and from every relationship and enjoy it to the fullest.And just as you would walk past the dishes you dont care about,do not focus on what you dont like and so get hassled or make futile attempts to change it!

“The difference in winning and losing is most often… not quitting.”

– Walt Disney

Be relentless in your pursuit for Gratitude! Don’t quit if you are working towards your goals. Remember to have fun regardless of what is happening.

The simple things often work the best! Use the K.I.S.S. method – Keep It Simple, Silly!